Codependent Relationships: Warning Signs and Long-Term Effects

Codependency, sometimes called relationship addiction, is a toxic relationship dynamic marked by a lack of boundaries, poor communication, enablement, and even abuse.

Codependency in a relationship is like a vicious cycle. One partner’s identity and self-worth are tied to being needed; the other partner feels helpless and/or entitled to constant support. Over time, their tendencies and behaviors start feeding into and reinforcing each other. 

Let’s examine some of the signs of a codependent relationship as well as the potential long-term impacts codependency can have. 

What is Codependency?

Codependency describes an unhealthy relationship dynamic where one partner is the giver and the other is the taker. The giver, sometimes called the codependent partner, consistently prioritizes the needs of the other person over their own. 

The codependent partner may get a sense of purpose or self-worth from being a caregiver, rescuer, or confidante and may feel driven to make extreme sacrifices for the other person. Their willingness to forgive, overlook, and make excuses for their partner often enables harmful or destructive behaviors like addiction, committing crimes, or mishandling money.

The term “codependency” originally described partnerships where one person was struggling with alcohol or substance use disorder and the other person spent most of their time and energy making sure the addicted partner’s needs were met. 

Mental health professionals expanded the definition over the years to include a wide range of unhealthy and dysfunctional partnerships where one person takes on the role of caretaker and the other becomes dependent or is enabled by that care. This dynamic can apply to relationships affected by mental health disorders or to abusive or neglectful relationships.

Why Codependency is Unhealthy

Codependency can have many detrimental effects on both partners’ mental health, identity, and ability to function independently. 

Negative effects on the codependent partner include: 

• Low self-esteem
• Neglecting one’s personal needs, including physical, mental, and emotional health
• Loss of relationships outside the codependent relationship, including friends, family, colleagues, and acquaintances
• Increased risk of developing alcohol or substance use disorder or relapsing after getting clean
• Increased risk of mental, physical, financial, or sexual abuse

Negative effects on the enabled partner include: 

• Decreased likelihood of seeking treatment (i.e. mental health or substance use disorder treatment)
• Compromised treatment success due to intervention from the codependent individual
• Risk of relapse if the codependent individual does not change their behavior

Signs of a Codependent Relationship

• You feel overly responsible for your loved one. Codependent individuals have an inflated sense of responsibility for their loved one’s happiness, safety, and sense of well-being. If you’re the giver in a codependent relationship, you may find yourself paying your partner’s bills, defending or covering up their bad behaviors and shortcomings, and covering for them when they don’t fulfill their responsibilities.

• You do things to change their behavior. You might find yourself trying to change your partner’s behavior, such as where they go, who they spend time with, or what they do. You may try to keep them from using alcohol or drugs, insist on driving them to work or appointments, or keep tabs on where they go and what they do. 

• You feel selfish if you take time for yourself. Codependent people have a hard time taking time for themselves and may experience guilt or shame when they do. You may notice that spending time alone or stepping away from your loved one to handle your own business leaves you feeling anxious or bad about yourself.

• You cancel plans to spend time with or care for your loved one. People in codependent relationships often spend the majority of their time together. If you repeatedly cancel your own plans to spend time with or care for your loved one, you may be struggling with codependency.

• You have a hard time asking for things. When you spend so much time caring for others, it can be hard to discern your own needs and desires. Codependent people have a hard time asking for things and may feel like a burden when they need help or support. 
• You struggle to set or assert healthy boundaries. Boundaries are a vital part of all healthy adult relationships. However, codependent relationships are usually devoid of boundaries. If you have a hard time setting or sticking to your boundaries when it comes to your partner, you might be in a codependent relationship.

Addressing Codependency in Relationships

Codependency is heavily associated with partnerships where one person struggles with a substance use disorder or a mental illness like borderline personality disorder. These dynamics can be complicated, and treatment should be tailored to each unique relationship.

Clearview Treatment Programs understands the complex dynamics that come with codependency and mental illness or substance use disorder. We work with individuals and their loved ones to uncover underlying issues that contribute to codependency and help them find healthier behaviors and coping mechanisms. We understand that healing happens together, and a comprehensive treatment approach is most effective.

To learn more about the programs we offer at Clearview, call us at 310-455-5258 or reach out to one of our locations today.